Cownfound It
by knives4cash
Summary: Team RWBY deals with a sudden investment in unwanted stock. Hilarity ensues.


My body is at peace. This feeling is one that I wish would persist. Alas, I must depart from this safe haven. Bringing my wash cloth up to my ears, I give them a delicate scrubbing, making sure not to pinch too hard. They are rather sensitive, and Yang found that out the hard way through nibbling too hard on them with her teeth. I didn't mean to scratch her; my body just reacted. I smirk. She still kept biting, not even noticing. I turn off the hot water, and the shower becomes a steamy cell. I do wish that the girl's shower room would have doors closing in the cells, just to satisfy the concept of privacy.

I turn away and exit the cell. Opposite the row of showers is a row of lockers. In between the showers and lockers are benches, which currently hold my change of clothing. And, in between the two, is the love of my life, currently in the process of drying out her massive head of golden hair.

"That was a good time." Yang comments, giving me that after-sex smile I've grown accustomed to. "Didn't mean to bite your ears, though." I smile.

"I did not intend to claw at your midriff." She tosses me a towel, and I proceed to dry myself off. "I do enjoy your nibbling, but faunus ears are far more sensitive than human ears."

She pats her wonderfully toned midriff which has four distinct red marks. I am glad that I did not break the skin. It's so smooth and warm. "I might get you declawed, if it stops getting me off." Such perversity. But I'm glad she bears no resent towards me. Not that she ever could. I smile.

Finishing the drying process, I use a second towel to blotch my hair. This way, it retains its smoothness and dries. Yang violently ruffles her head. "I wouldn't recommend it." I caution as I drop the second towel onto the bench and begin to get dressed. "Your breast massages would feel so lackluster without the added edges."

"Hmmm." She throws in her towel. "I suppose the pros outweigh the cons." She vaults over the benches, massive mounds bouncing as she jumps. She grabs my hands and mashes them into her breasts. "But I think you should reenforce your point with a live demonstration." She gives my hands a squeeze for emphasis. I smirk.

"If we get back to our dorm before Ruby and Weiss, I might give you that and then some." I give her a quick massage and lean in for a kiss. It's far too brief, but time is not on our side. As I pull back, I can see her expression of understanding and disappointment. I can't look at her like this. "How about a contest?" I let go of her nude form completely and resume getting dressed. "As soon as you're completely dressed, you may carry me off in whatever status of clothed I may be in."

She immediately vaults back over to her side of the bench and frantically begins to get dressed. I have my panties and bra on, and I'm putting my pants on as she declares, "Next time, I'm going to just carry you off naked!"

And now I'm putting on my shirt. She's losing time, because she has to correct mistakes. "We'd both be naked, if that were the case."

Her pants are on. "Woman, do I LOOK like I care?" I smirk. I glance at my watch. Seven-thirty. Ruby and Weiss are already back in our dorm. Oh well.

Now comes the bow. "You look like you've never put clothes on before."

She put her jacket on backwards. She frantically starts correcting herself. "Yeah, well, we both know I'm an expert at getting them off, and yours off, and YOU off!"

Carefully tucking my ears underneath the bow, I respond, "Only because you've had two years of practice." I'm ready to go. She's lost the contest. "Better luck next time."

She growls and finishes getting her boots on. "Woman, I am going to ravage you if you make one more remark." Will she, now?

I start walking away. "I doubt that. You'd take too long getting out of your clothes." I hear her jump up. Oh, she's serious. I start running. "Yang! Don't you dare!"

"Don't bother running!" She yells to me, chasing me out of the building. "You'll only come faster! You'll destroy the whole foreplay thing we do!" I'm not going to tire anytime soon, but I am running at my top speed. I'm upwind, so I can't smell her arousal, but I know it's there, because I've learned to identify that certain ping in her aura. It's definitely pinging right now. "Maybe I'll use BOTH hands AND my tongue!"

"That's illogical!" I call back as she chases me through the cool summer evening. I'd stop and smell the white roses, were it not for the potential bumblebee and the questionably horny love of my life set on having sex with me out in the open. "You'd have to give up groping me!" She'd never give up her groping. Our sex has a tendency of generally becoming a blur to me, but I rarely recall her letting go of my breasts.

"I'm going to catch you!" She laughs. I quickly glance back and see that she's gaining. We're still two acres away from the dormitory. I'm not going to make it. I throw all of my strength into running. Come on, legs. You can hold Yang's head in place without trouble, but you can't out run her? Oh, Jaune and Pyrrha are having a nice stroll. And now I've passed them. Were they holding hands? "And I'm going to make you SIIING!"

We just ran past Jaune and Pyrrha. Their would-be romantic evening stroll has made Jaune feel embarrassed and Pyrrah aroused. Curse my superior faunus senses. "Yang, love! Can you save your sexual banter for when we're NOT in front of other people?" I call back. Oh, I can feel her swiping at my hair.

"I'd give 'em front row tickets, if it meant I'd get to make you co-!" I just bathed with her, but we're one corner away from the dormitory, and I'd rather the entire western wing of students on all floors be given seats to our love making. As such, I believe that I am within my right to use her momentum against her and spin around, grabbing her thighs with my arms and lifting her over my shoulder. "WOAH!"

I stagger back, trying to balance myself. I've never carried her before, and I'm relatively new to the added one-hundred pounds of muscle and forty pounds of breasts. They're wonderful in bed, but now they're threatening to send me toppling down. If that happens, Yang will have her way with me. The worst part of it all is that I wouldn't want her to stop. Confound it, Yang.

I take my stand, balancing myself and securing the victory. "Blake Belladonna Long, you put me down right now and let me make love to you!" Her legs and arms are flailing, attempting to offset my balance. I start walking up to the entrance. I can smell her arousal spike. I'm glad for her, because I'm instantly hit with the oder of a farm. I wonder what the cause of that is.

She's enjoying this too much. "Or what?" I challenge.

"Or I won't touch you for a whole week!" Oh, that's rather serious. Too bad I can tell she's lying.

"You're bluffing." I assert as we ascend the three flights of spiraling stair cases. Hmmm, the oder is getting stronger. That is unpleasant.

"Am not!" She denies as she stops flailing. She'd rather not risk breaking my neck by causing my balance to be thrown off. How considerate of her.

"Yang, you are aware that I can smell and sense your..." I do not wish to be so blunt with her. "...Current state. Your lies won't fool a faunus." Especially one who's learned to sniff you out in a crowd of thousands. Speaking of sniffing, I'm debating on holding my breath; the oder is getting so strong.

"I! Well, I!" She falters. "I'm not THAT horny!" I laugh. I would expect so, considering we gave each other at least a half dozen orgasms in the shower. I wonder how much sex is too much. We're probably on the border, if not over. We arrive at our door, and I carefully fish out my key and unlock it.

Opening the door, I'm hit with the oder again, but now I see the cause of it. Yang gags as I set her down and cover my nose. I would gag along side her, were it not that I now see the source. "MOOOO!"

Yang reels around and demands, "What?"

In the middle of our dorm stands a brown and white cow. A real, in the flesh, cow. What is a cow doing in our dorm? "Ruby? Weiss?" I call out from my behind my hands which shield my mouth.

The windows are open, thankfully, but that doesn't explain why there is a COW in the room. Ruby emerges from the bathroom, holding an empty pale. "Hey girls!" She smiles at us as she moves back to the cow. "I want you to meet our new team member!" She sets the pale down underneath its udders and wraps her arms around the cow's neck. "Meet Edgar!"

"Edgar?" Yang and I ask simultaneously. We glance at each other in disbelief. We look back at Ruby, who has started milking the cow.

"Yep! Edgar! His name is Edgar, and he will be providing the team's supply of milk!"

Yang starts giggling. "Ruby, there's kinda a big problem here." Just one?

Ruby interrupts, "I know, I know. He'll take up a whole bed. But we won't NEED a third bed!" She pulls out of her pocket a piece of paper and throws it at Yang.

Yang catches it and unfolds it. I lean over and see that she's drawn a square marked "dorm" and a smaller square to the west of it marked "hole".

"We'll dig a hole and put Edgar in it! I think five feet deep should work! It'll be his new home!" Ruby continues to milk the cow. "Which he can't leave, but hey! Who wants to leave a good home anyways?" Has she gone crazy, or is this just what happens when she starts going through sugar withdrawal?

"Whaaat?" Yang stares down at the map. "Okay, make that two problems. One, this planet kinda sorta rains from time to time." Yang and I move to our bed and sit down, watching Ruby milk the animal.

"Got it covered!" Ruby announces. "We'll put a giant pane of glass over his!" Oh, this is questionable beyond reason. Edgar doesn't seem to care, though. A swish of the tail, and that's all the animal gives.

"Well, what about Weiss?" I smile at Yang. She's got her now.

"Got it covered too!" Ruby clears her throat. "Weiss, love. We've been together for three years now, and I feel that we're ready for adoption." How odd. I feel a very powerful aura igniting.

"NO! WE! ARE! NOT!" Weiss drops two brown bags of groceries and storms over to Ruby. That explains why.

Agh! Weiss!" Ruby almost knocks over her pale of milk. "You're home early! How was the farmer's market?!" She laughs nervously. Should Yang and I be here for this?

"RUBY! WHAT IS THIS?!" The cow gives a snort and another swish of the tail.

"Our adopted bundle of love?" Weiss grabs Ruby by the collar and hoists her up. "Ack! All eight-hundred pounds of him? His name is Edgar!" Yang puts an arm around me and starts bobbing up and down from trying to suppress her laughter.

Weiss's face is going red, and her left eye is twitching. I wish Ruby was a faunus right now. It's a shame that I'm the only one seeing a burning white aura consuming Weiss like an open flame.

"MOOO!"

"SHUT UP, EDGAR!"

"Hey! Don't yell at our son!"

"COWS ARE GIRLS, YOU DOLT!" Oh my. Her face is REALLY red now.

"Weiss!" Ruby raises an arm. I'm guessing she's figured it out, since I can't see her face from here. "Oh, yeah. Cows ARE girls." I get the feeling that Yang was about to bring that up as her second point.

Weiss lets go of Ruby and runs her hands through her hair, pulling some of it out in the process. A shame. I know how much times she has Ruby spend combing it every morning. "Ruby, love." Weiss starts calmly. "I'll make it simple for you. Live with Edgar, or live with me." Oh, that's harsh.

"B-B-But what about my milk?" Ruby grasps Weiss by the shoulders. "I need my milk!"

"You also need me, my brain, and my loving touch in bed!" Weiss removes Ruby's grasp on her. "NONE of which you'll keep, if you don't return the cow to whoever was stupid enough to give you one." Weiss stops. "That's a cow. Cows cost money. Where did you get the money to buy a cow?" Oh, that is a good question.

Weiss's phone buzzes. She pulls it out and looks at the caller ID. She grimaces and answers. "Weiss Schnee speaking. Who is this?"

"Well howdy, Miss Schnee!" A very grizzly voice responds to her. "Ah'm Ryan Free! I sold yer wife mah best milker, and I'd like to inform you that yer check done bounced!"

Oh my. She's REALLY red now. "Mr. Free," She calmly responds. "I shall pay you twice as much as whatever my WIFE paid if you can be over here asap and take Edgar back." Ruby clasps her hands over her mouth. "But only if you can be here in an hour. Deal?" Two times zero is still zero.

"Well gaaaa~lee, Miss Schnee! That's a might generous of yah! I'm on mah way!"

"Good. Just find the dormitory. Third floor, it's the room with the cow and horrendous oder." The man hangs up. Weiss crushes her phone in her hand. That's Beacon property, but I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

Ruby spins around and grabs Edgar by her neck. "Noooo..." She whispers. "Edgar, I can't leave you." She wails, "HOW WILL I BAKE COOKIES NOW?! I CAN'T GROW STRONG WITHOUT MY MIIIILK!"

"MOOO." Another swish of the tail. This cow isn't very... smart, I'm guessing.

Weiss grabs Ruby by her cape and hauls her out. "Ruby, I love you, but we're just not ready for adoption."

Ruby continues to wail. "AAAAAAAH! You don't love meeeee!" They exit the dorm, probably heading off to the showers to get the stench out of their clothing. Perhaps Yang and I should do the same.

Yang laughs and slaps Edgar's side. "I guess you're going back to Mr. Free, Edgar!"


End file.
